I spent 16 years in formal education. I learned calculus, history, grammar, and chemistry. I can barely remember any of it.
But the skills that actually made me successful? I learned those despite school, not because of it.
What I now call “the cognitive upgrade” — the skills that compound over a lifetime:
1. Learning How to Learn
School taught me to memorize. Life taught me to build mental models, connect ideas across domains, and learn anything in weeks instead of years.
Mars is 5. He already knows that when he wants to understand something, the first step is to ask “what is this like that I already know?” That’s transfer learning. He doesn’t know the term. He knows the skill.
2. Thinking About Thinking
Metacognition — the ability to observe your own thought process. When Mars gets frustrated with a puzzle, I don’t say “try harder.” I ask, “what strategy are you using? Can you think of a different one?”
He’s learning that thinking has methods, and you can choose between them.
3. Comfort with Uncertainty
School rewards correct answers. Life rewards the ability to act wisely with incomplete information. I deliberately leave some of Mars’s questions unanswered. Not to frustrate him — but to normalize not knowing. “Let’s find out” is a more powerful phrase than “the answer is.”
4. Systems Thinking
Everything is connected. A rainy day affects the garden, the garden affects what we eat, what we eat affects how we feel. Mars and I play a game: “what does this connect to?” It’s his favorite game.
Why Now?
These meta-skills have always been valuable. But in the age of AI, they become essential:
- AI can recall facts → so memorization matters less
- AI can follow instructions → so following instructions matters less
- AI can’t generate genuine curiosity → so curiosity matters more
- AI can’t think about its own thinking → so metacognition matters more
- AI struggles with novel problems → so creative problem-solving matters more
The cognitive upgrade isn’t about being smarter than AI. It’s about being differently capable. Complementary. Synergistic.
Building It Into Daily Life
I don’t “teach” Mars these skills in a formal way. Instead:
- Every walk is a systems thinking exercise (“what do you notice? what connects to what?”)
- Every mistake is a metacognition moment (“what happened? what would you try differently?”)
- Every question is a learning-how-to-learn opportunity (“how could we figure this out?”)
- Every uncertainty is practice in comfort with ambiguity (“we don’t know yet, and that’s exciting”)
It’s not a curriculum. It’s a way of being together.
And honestly? I’m learning these skills too. Mars is teaching me as much as I’m teaching him.
